Let's talk about fear...

Oh boy! I do not want to talk about fear. Literally, as I type about this, I’m fearful that whatever I have to say will not make sense. I’m pushing through anyway because I really want you (and me) to know it:

FEAR HAPPENS.

YIKES. I said too much. But I’ll say it again (I am my mother’s child and she says I never listen.)

FEAR HAPPENS.

Yes, I guess I really did just write it again. And just to emphasize the point (and because all good things come in threes), I’ll put it out there again:

FEAR HAPPENS.

If you’re still with me — first, thank god in all her glory that you’re still here — you’ve just read or said out loud to yourself that fear happens. (Oooo look, a fourth time.) And you know what? It does. It happens in us and through us everyday. Fear shows up in the worst situations and in the best situations. It is what causes us to stay silent and other times to scream. It is what keeps us from danger and what pushes us into a downward spiral. Fear is both friend and foe. In fact, let’s take out the loaded qualifiers and call fear what it is: your “boundary revealer.”

Say what? Boundary revealer? What does that even mean?

Every time you sense fear there is a boundary being tested. You’re walking through the forest and your ears prick up, you feel a little flushed, your heart starts to beat a little faster. You’re sensing you’re not alone. You could either move forward or head back: the line has been drawn. Boundary revealed. You are thinking of starting a new project. You have the materials and people in place to get started. The plan has been mapped out. You hesitate; you’re considering not going forward because you don’t think it’s ready, you don’t feel confident in your assets, or a partner is no longer invested in the project. You can either move forward or retreat. Your boundary has been revealed. That’s what I mean by a boundary revealer. Whether fear is working to your advantage or disadvantage, it will always revealing your boundaries.

And that’s a beneficial thing! It’s okay to have boundaries. It’s even more important to know your boundaries and to know if the fear is helping you or is hindering you. I’ve read so many books on fear, so many quotes about letting go of fear. That fear is not about failure but success. No matter how hard I have tried, I couldn’t shake the fear. I couldn’t move past my own nose on projects, ideas, or hard conversations. Call it what you will, but life had taught me that the world is scary place. But not until I realized that “fear happens” — that fear exists in all of us, and for us — did I begin to see that fear is neither good or bad. It just is. So now when fear reveals itself, I don’t try to let it go or ignore it, I ask it, “What are you trying to reveal to me about my boundaries?” What is it trying to show me about where I need to go and what I need to be doing in this moment. Sometimes, the answer is that my boundaries are too small, or even too big! And acknowledging this has been most helpful on my joy-journey.

Fear should never be ignored. It is life’s way of getting you to pay attention to your boundaries, yourself, and your actions at any given moment. It is life’s light — that boundary revealer — for us all. Fear happens to all of us. No one is better or worse for having experienced fear. Fear happens. It is the human experience. So, next time you sensing fear about something in your life, ask the fear, “What are you trying to reveal to me about my boundaries?” What really wants to happen in this moment? Embrace the insights that fear reveals about your boundaries. J+W